I came across another blog this morning which I have re-read this evening and sometimes in recovery we look for inspiration from others. This is it for me today, mainly because I could have written it myself, it hits home and has made me consider my own 'NBD demons'
Loving Imperfection is worth following.
Her second letter to ED is poignant and hits home, especially the notion of 'No Big Deals' - every time I shrug off not reaching my calories, Ana say's don't worry. Each time I weigh or precisely measure out my food, Ana said, 'Don't worry, it's OK, you get comfort from me' and when I want to miss a meal Ana eggs me on. As I am eating, I feel I am doing enough, it's easy to think 'I'm OK." I haven't REALLY got an ED' I've talked about feeling like I am 'faking' it and I could TOTALLY eat whatever I wanted if I tried. It's NBD if I count is it? If I chose things because of their calories instead of their taste? and it's totally normal to think about food all day, isn't it? Like I said, NBD?
But realistically these are the final ropes of my ED tied around my hands. This is something I have learnt today.
It's Ana is trying to keep her hold on my life, she's looking for new ways to continue being the sneaky bitch that she is. - trying to tell me that all these habits and rituals around food are 'normal'
ANA, GIRL, THEY'RE NOT.
This is what Loving Imperfection said;
and a quote from her second letter to 'Ed'
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